Ad Spot

Dick Yarbrough: Democratic National Committee — no cisgenders need apply

I appreciate that so many of you still inquire about the state of my health after my scary bout with which I won — barely. Doctors say today that I am coming along nicely. Slowly, but nicely.
My vital signs remain vital and my hemoglobin remains hemoglobical. But, there is a cloud. While I may have thwarted a dread disease, I have now discovered that I am a (deep breath) cisgender. Why me? Why now? Where was a cisgenderologist when I needed one? Even worse, no one told me. I had to find out the hard way.
I am honored to share some editorial pages with Jonah Goldberg, a nationally-syndicated conservative commentator. How happy he is to share an editorial page with me is another matter. He writes for a conservative publication, the National Review, as well as the Los Angeles Times and strikes me as a guy who is more in the middle of the political stream than hard-right wingnuts would prefer.
To wit, he recently wrote a pox-on-both-your-houses column in which he rips on both the Republican Party and the Democrats. He says the GOP is running as smoothly as a “dry Slip ‘N Slide made from sandpaper” and the Democrats “have gotten drunk on the spectacle. And as with many a drunk, it’s grown oblivious to its own decrepitude” and their capture by “the angry, sanctimony-besotted identity politics popular on college campuses and a handful of left-wing websites.” The man can turn a phrase.
Like Mr. Goldberg, I think the Democratic Party currently has more nuts than an oak forest and that Republicans won’t rest until they destroy public education. (My own pox-on-both-their-houses contribution.)
I was chuckling all the way down the column until he cites the Democratic National Committee’s data services manager, who sent out an email soliciting candidates for a job in the DNC’s information technology department but cautioned that she wasn’t interested in any “cisgender straight white males.” Hmm. I have a good idea of what a straight white male is. I see one every night in the mirror when I brush my teeth. But cisgender?
Of course, my first call was to Barney Funk and Porter Wagnalls, the learned lexicographers who are known for their innate ability to analyze the semantic, syntagmatic and paradigmatic relationships within the lexicon of a language when they’re not flipping burgers at their local McDonald’s.
They told me a cisgender is a person whose gender identity corresponds with that person’s biological sex assigned at birth. I wanted to follow up with them but they said the mechanical apparatus in which they frizzle edible tubers at McDonalds was fragmented and they were up to their nates in apex predators. I think what they were saying is that their French fry machine wasn’t working and they were up to their you-know-whats in alligators. Never push lexicographers when their French fry apparatus won’t frizzle.
I guess being cisgenderated means I must take a pass on the opportunity to become a part of the IT team at the DNC. The fact that I don’t know the difference between a megabyte and a mosquito bite would likely disqualify me, not to mention showing up in my “Cisgender Lives Matter” T-Shirt.
But I can’t help but think about some Democratic stalwarts like former Gov. Roy Barnes. Sure, today he is one of the most widely-respected and capable lawyers in Georgia, but what if we suddenly quit suing each other? Gov. Barnes might have no choice but to apply for the DNC’s IT department. (“Sorry sir, but you are a cisgender white male.” “But I was Governor of Georgia!” “Good for you but no cigar. Wilbur Sue, would you get me a Kleenex? I shook a cisgender’s hand.”)
And then there is former U.S. Sen. Sam Nunn (cisgender white male), former U.S. Congressman Buddy Darden (ditto), former Gov. Joe Frank Harris (ditto, ditto), former state House majority leader Larry Walker, the sage of Perry, Georgia (ditto times three.) Along with Gov. Barnes, all have served the Democratic party with distinction and yet none of them could get a job today in the DNC’s Information Technology department. Life can be so unfair.
In the meantime, let me thank you for continuing to check on me and my hemoglobics. I hope learning of my cisgenderation has not caused you disappointment. And, please, let’s not share this information with the Woman Who Shares My Name. She is just looking for an excuse to feed me broccoli.

You can reach Dick Yarbrough at dick@dickyarbrough.com; at P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, Georgia 31139 or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/dickyarb

Local News

GSW to host debate between candidates for US Representative

Local News

State Representative Cheokas sponsors resolution honoring memory of SGTC’s Rick Davis

business

New Industry Comes to Sumter County—Twice.

education

Southland Academy’s Homecoming Court has been announced

News Main

Americus Mayor and City Council Make Recommendations on First Fridays and Trick or Treating

Local News

Possible Art and Cultural Exhibit for Americus discussed at County Board of Commissioners meeting

Local News

Brandi Lunneborg named hospital CEO of the Year

Local News

SGTC Jets Booster Club to host sixth annual Sparky Reeves Classic Golf Tournament

Local News

SC Board of Commissioners discusses quitclaim deed with Land Bank Authority at Work Session

Local News

New Industry comes to Sumter Counthy—Twice

BREAKING NEWS

Escaped inmate is still on the loose in Sumter County

BREAKING NEWS

An escaped inmate is on the loose in Sumter County

Local News

Michael Slade Dominick of Plains receives the SGTC Foundation Sumter EMC Electrical Lineworker scholarship

Local News

Georgia Power’s Don Porter named Chair of SGTC Board of Directors

Local News

Local News

SGTC to Host Blood Drive Tuesday, November 10

Local News

Concerns over Section 4.11 of the Sumter County Code of Ordinances discussed at Board of Commissioners Work Session

Local News

South Georgia Tech Plans Student Activities for Red Ribbon Week

News Main

Sheriff, Pete Smith, has passed away

Local News

Candidates for Chief Magistrate of Sumter County square off at Chamber of Commerce forum

Local News

Candidates for Sumter County Chief Magistrate make their case at Americus Kiwanis Club

Local News

William Reid makes his case for Sumter County Board of Commissioners District 3 Seat at Chamber of Commerce forum

Local News

Candidates for Sumter County Tax Commissioner make their cases for election at Americus Kiwanis Club meeting

Local News

Candidates for Sumter County Sheriff square off at Chamber of Commerce Forum